Over time I became aware that I was functioning for families as a repository of grief and I was concerned this was inhibiting their healing journey. I think the grieving are comforted by the knowledge that the dead has been honoured by preserving memories of the funeral but unfortunately knowing there is a repository also allows people to defer their grieving. And I think the longer people defer their grieving, the harder grieving becomes and the more likely they never fully recover from their loss.

I’ve therefore put much effort into making my books a stepping stone to healing.

Having to decide which images to include in the book as well as editing the eulogy allow people to safely enter the death zone as they are dealing with practical matters. And when they are there, because the images show love, compassion and kindness, the death is not as difficult to process as they had been imagining.